


I Know I Still Need You Here

by DamsInDistress



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Motorsports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 13:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12411540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DamsInDistress/pseuds/DamsInDistress
Summary: "I wanted it to be you."





	I Know I Still Need You Here

“I wanted it to be you.” Jüri says almost to himself. He feels a set of brown eyes land on him from the other side of the room. It was just a thing they did. Two boys wanting to fool around because they can. It started with giggles hiding in the team truck to trying not to get caught making out behind the stacks of used tires. “Maybe someday.” Juan says as he finishes putting on his clothes and shoes and goes back to his own room. 

It was a few days later that the rest of the world found out that Juan was leaving Prema. Jüri scrolls over his post on Instagram as he hits the like button a little too hard. He tries not to notices how the corner of his eyes mist up when he reads the long caption. Juan leaves behind a team he’s been with for 2 years, a team that has become like another family, a group of teammates that have become his friends. Juan leaves behind Jüri. 

Jüri pushes on. He was in contention for the ADAC championship and he tells himself he won’t let this one slip away from him. He ends up fighting for the title with Marcus. The Kiwi has become his constant companion now that Juan was gone. The truck has become a lot quieter now that Juan’s laugh was missing. Jüri can tell that Marcus knew how much more it means to him now that Juan was gone. He’s glad that Marcus isn’t the kind of person to use it to his advantage even if he could. He offers Jüri a sympathetic smile and a pat on the back. They were still friends after all. Until they weren’t. 

Jüri walks away with the title in the end with Marcus coming in 2nd. He gets doused in champagne and the confetti sticking to his hair and neck. He goes back to the truck to get cleaned up and changed. It wasn’t until he was back inside that he finally realizes what was missing or, more so, who was missing. They still kept the spot that Juan usually occupied empty as if he’ll come back one day. It was in that moment that Jüri realizes he wish Juan was there. He grasps the towel he was holding a little too tight until Marcus comes in and notices how he was just standing there. “Hey, mate.” Marcus greets with a small smile but Jüri still won’t budge. “Jüri, if you want to talk or need anything, I’m here.” He says with a small smile even if the worry was clear in his eyes. Jüri finally looks up notices that Marcus has laid his hand on his shoulders. Their eyes meet for a brief second before Jüri pushes their lips together. 

He doesn’t know why he did it and it takes Marcus by surprise with the way his lips were just slack against his. He was about to move away until he felt the Kiwi’s lips move against his. In the end they don’t talk about it. They don’t talk about anything. But it keeps happening whenever they’re around each other. Whenever Jüri was a little out of it and Marcus would ask if he’s okay. Marcus ends up being there when Jüri did the final round of Formula 3. Jüri gets wasted because he could and Marcus was there to help him get to bed. He tries to pry himself from the other’s grip as he leads him towards the bed. “Help me out here, Jüri.” He says as he all but drags him. Jüri doesn’t know what spurred him on but he pushes the smaller boy off of him until he was backing him up against the wall. “I’m fine. I’m fucking fine. I don’t need your help.” 

Neither of them mention it the next day or even when they were testing the Formula 3 cars for Prema for the 2018 season. They never mention it even if the season was about to start and they were in the same team with Mick and Jo. It was as if nothing had happened until they both end up on the rookie podium and they douse each other in the fizzy stuff, laughing to try and avoid any of it getting in their eyes. The mood never dies even if they’re now back in the truck and the other boys have left already. “You did good.” Jüri says as he offers Marcus a small smile. “We did good.” Marcus says to correct him. Jüri starts to get changed out of his race suit when he feels hands on his wrist and Marcus turns him until he presses their lips together. He kisses back out of instinct and he feels the Kiwi smile against his lips as he runs his thumb across his jaw. 

It felt nice, Jüri thinks. Marcus has never been a bad kisser. They hastily get changed once they broke apart and race back to the hotel. It felt nicer when they fell into bed, not caring that they were covered in sweat and champagne, as they rutted against each other. Jüri rolls over once they’re done with a small smile on his face. He feels Marcus roll over as well as he throws an arm around his waist. They try to catch their breath before Jüri pushes himself off of the bed and throws himself in the shower. He lets the spray wash over his tired muscles before he feels a pair of hands wash his back. “Thought you could use some help.” Marcus says teasingly before Jüri turns around and presses him against the cold tile wall. It felt nice, it felt good. He thinks it’s okay. 

It became a thing as the season went on. Jüri tries to block out the worried looks Mick shoots him when he finally noticed something was going on between them. He tries to block out a lot of things and Marcus was the best way to do that. But even if they’re together he still has to block out the way that Marcus was shorter than he was, that he had to tilt his head down when they kiss. The way that he could back him up against walls and be the one in control. Everything felt nice and good but there was still a little voice inside of him saying it doesn’t feel right. 

Jüri didn’t expect for Marcus to take him to Monza when he was invited by Ferrari to watch their home race. The excited look on the Kiwi’s face made it hard to say no and he doesn’t. They get there and spent most of their time at the Prema base in the F2 paddock. It was both familiar and strange as Marcus never left his side unless he was needed by Ferrari. It was as if faith was playing a prank on him when Marcus left him in the F2 hospitality and a familiar figure walked in. They haven’t seen each other in almost a year. Their eyes meet for the briefest second before Juan was on his way to get food. Jüri fidgets with the coffee cup in front of him before he stands to leave. He can’t do this. He takes a few deep breaths before he goes back to meet Marcus so they can go back to the hotel together. He lets the furry he felt earlier go back to nothing on the way to their room until they were alone and he smashes their lips together. “Fuck me.” He says as he grinds himself up on the shorter boy. “Are you sure?” Marcus asks even if his hands were already inside his shirt. “Please.” He begs and Marcus obliges him. 

The F3 season ends with Jüri finishing in the top 10 overall and going home as rookie champion. It feels good to have accomplished something on his first year. He lets himself enjoy the afterparty. Finds himself dancing with Jo and even Mick who was giddy with finishing runner-up that year. He downs a few more drinks before he goes to find Marcus. He finds the Kiwi outside and gives him a drunk smile as he helps Jüri get back to the hotel. He was tugging on his shirt but Marcus would push Jüri’s hands away. “What’s wrong?” Jüri asks, pouting, when Marcus sits him down on the edge of the bed. “We shouldn’t.” Marcus says and Jüri just furrows his brows. “Tomorrow then?” He asks but Marcus just shakes his head no. “We should stop doing this.” He says as he looks at Jüri. “We shouldn’t have done this to begin with.” He adds before turning away from the other boy. “We make each other feel good.” Jüri says, reaching for his hand, as if to change his mind. “But I can’t do this anymore, Jüri.” Marcus exclaims. “I can’t be him for you.” He says as he looks Jüri in the eye. He lets his words sink in before he leaves Jüri alone. 

Jüri finds himself in Formula 2 with Mick in 2019. They were still driving for Prema and want to prove himself in probably the most competitive series he’s ever done. The red of Prema providing him with familiar comfort through the years as he shrugs his new race suit on. They get ready for the class picture right before the start of the first race. He sees some familiar faces he’s raced with during the years. Jüri sees the familiar dark hair and brown eyes clad in red overalls. It wasn’t the same as Prema red, but Jüri can’t lie, and red really does suit Juan even if it was the red of Racing Engineering. He never imagined it but Jüri ends up fighting for wins and podiums after a few races getting used to the car and the tires. He ends up on the top step one time with Mick and Juan by his side. He smiles for the camera even if he can feel himself wanting to melt into the familiar arm curled around his wait. If he felt the feeling of a thumb brushing against the bone on his hip, Jüri puts it down to exhaustion and his imagination. 

He finds himself back at Monza for the team’s home race. It was weird being there now that he was in F2. Unlike last year that he was a spectator, he actually gets to race that year. He wasn’t at all surprised with how the tiffosi adored Mick. He felt the pressure ease up on him but he still knows to deliver for the team at their home race. He finds himself at the same spot he sat on last year at hospitality before Juan walks in like he did the year before. But this time he sat across the room from Jüri, as if staring at him from across the entire room. Their eyes don’t leave each other’s until Juan eventually gets up and walks out. Jüri can’t explain why but the way Juan looked at him as he left made him get up and follow the taller boy.

Jüri ends up following him to where the old Monza banking was. They don’t says a word to each other even if they were alone. Jüri briefly remembers how the two of them and Mick messed around in the exact same place when they were still in Formula 4. He doesn’t question when Juan lays down on the warm concrete as Jüri follows suit. They stay that way for a while as they let the breeze rustle against the trees. It was peaceful despite being just a few minutes away from the racetrack itself. Jüri closes his eyes for a bit and let’s himself remember the last time he was there with Juan. They were just messing around and trying to race each other on who can get to the top without falling. They both failed in the end and lay down on the concrete as they clutch their stomach hurting from all the laughing. They both eventually calmed down as they still let out small giggles in between deep breaths. It somewhere then that Juan must have reached for Jüri’s hand as he turns to face the shorter boy with a small smile on his face. It was Jüri who twines their fingers together before he returns the smile. 

“I really wanted it to be you.” Jüri says out of the blue. Not even sure if he should be saying that after nearly 2 years. He feels Juan tense up beside him but he doesn’t make a move to look at him or to leave. “I still want it to be you.” He adds, almost a whisper. They laps back into silence as Jüri closes his eyes again, the feeling of regret starting to wash over him. “I could be. If you let me, I can be.” Juan says and that makes Jüri’s eyes snap open. They let Juan’s words hang in the air until Jüri feels familiar hands reach for his. He feels the familiar warmth seep into his skin and into his bones, as if he’s been starved for Juan’s touch and he wants to curl up into it. He could feel Juan looking at him now as if waiting for him to say something. Jüri almost felt like he wanted to cry because he’s missed the way Juan would look at him in any way, shape or form. God, he’s missed Juan so fucking much. He smiles at Juan who smiles back before Jüri twines their fingers together.


End file.
